A Change in Management
by madwriter223
Summary: After months of peculiar adventures and tireless work, they were ready. Ready to battle the army of the Evil Madalena. Ready to reclaim the lost throne. Ready to punish the evildoers with Justice and Honor. This was their Moment in the Sun. Unfortunately for Galavant and his compatriots, their adversaries were also ready. SLASH and DEATH (My take on how the series finale might go).
1. Steps One and Two

**A Change in Management**

It took many months, but they had accomplished much. They had amassed an army capable of defeating Madalena's evil forces, and trained them to be their very best. And now, finally, Galavant and his compatriots were ready. They were strong, they were motivated, they were well-insured. Nothing could stop them. And when the time came to face Madalena's army in honorable combat, they marched with a song on their lips and bravery in their hearts.

They were soundly trounced by Gareth's ridiculously well-trained soldiers. Seriously, each one operated three weapons at the same time. It was entirely unnecessary, and a bit of an overkill.

Thus Galavant and his friends were brought before the Evil Queen Madalena and her Obedient King Gareth. They were pushed into the main courtyard of their castle and towards an ominous scaffolding. Our heroes were bound by chains, but if anyone thought that would stop them, they were absolutely right. There was such a thing as too well-trained guards, you know.

"Hello, dear ex-husband." Madalena chirped, voice dripping with dry amusement. She stood on the steps of the scaffolding, looking resplendent in her red velvet dress. She was wearing her shiny crown and the smuggest look of smugness that's ever smugged. Smugly.

Gareth stood behind her with his arms crossed over his chest. He was wearing his bitchin' new crown, as well as what looked like new leather clothing. It seemed to be tailored to better bring out his attributes, his biceps were positively bulging. Richard waved discreetly at Gareth, the chains wrapped around his wrists jangled. Gareth answered with a single twitch of his pinky.

"It's very nice of you to drop by so unannounced." Madalena continued in a pleasant tone, as if she was discussing the weather. Her smile was anything but pleasant, though. It was the kind of a smile puppy-killers had. "It is even nicer of you to fail so spectacularly. But that was to be expected, you've failed at everything else in life." She snickered nastily. "You really are a blundering fool, aren't you, Dicky?"

Richard pouted at her morosely. "Mean."

"Oh, I know. But worry not, little Dicky. You'll be happy to know you won't suffer your own incompetence for much longer." She gestured at the beheading block set up on the scaffolding. "Everyone will enjoy not having to deal with your own pathetic whining all the time any more."

"You fiend!" Isabella shook a fist at her. "Have you no shame! You would deny us a fair trial?"

"Oh, absolutely I would. But not to you." She sniffed with a haughty smirk. "Little Dicky will be the only one who will come up short today. The rest of you lot will first rot in the dungeons for several years, slowly losing your sanity from boredom and torture." She explained with glee. " _Then_ you'll be executed."

They all gulped.

Madalena laughed, her safe bright with satisfied happiness. "Guards. Bring Richard forth and place him onto the block." She commanded cheerfully and with no small amount of contempt.

However, to everyone's surprise, the guards didn't move. Not a single one. The heroes looked at them, then at each other in confusion. A moment passed and the guards continued not dragging anyone to their deaths, and all the heroes shrugged in unison.

Madalena's face was a picture of bemused displeasure. "Guards." She seethed. "I issued an order."

"Actually." Gareth spoke and they all turned to look at him. "They're not going to be executed, now or later. In fact, full pardon to you all!" At his nod, the guards walked into the group and started undoing their chains.

Madalena flashed red with rage. "I do not allow it!" She pointed at the group. "Guards! Stop that at once! I command you to bring Richard forth for execution!" She ordered, her tone a firm command that no one could disobey.

And yet, none of the guards obeyed. They unchained all the heroes and stepped back, once more surrounding the group. Madalena remained still, one finger still pointing at the heroic posse. There was absolute silence in the courtyard, not even the chickens were clucking. Well, one person coughed.

Madalena lowered her hand and huffed through her nose in outrage. "You will all hang for this insolence."

"Once again, my Queen." Gareth spoke, and Madalena whirled around to glare at him. "They won't. It's the King who decides who gets offed. Not some uppity lil' girl who licked real power and hasn't stopped gorging herself on it since."

"That was masterfully poetic, Gareth, bravo." Richard praised, clapping with a delighted grin.

Gareth nodded at Richard in thanks.

Madalena flushed an even brighter red. She looked like an overripe tomato by this point. "You will pay for this." She fumed. "I will make you suffer for this."

"Then you'll just have to do that without a head. Guards!" As one, Gareth's even more ridiculously well-trained personal guards turned towards her around with a clang of their weapons.

Madalena paled and took a startled step back. Or at least tried to, she _was_ standing on the steps, after all. So instead, she landed on her behind, hard enough to bounce with a yelp.

Gareth tilted his head in her direction. "Like we've practiced." He said and two of the guards stepped forward and grasped Madalena by the arms.

"Unhand me!" She demanded with an affronted scowl. "I am your Queen! You will obey me!"

On top of the scaffolding, the executioner lifted his ax with a loud swish.

Two other guards climbed onto the scaffolding from the other side, as practiced, and grabbed Madalena from behind. They hauled her up onto the scaffolding and towards the beheading block.

Madalena hooked her feet on the rails to stop them dragging her any further.

"You can't do this!" She shouted. "Gareth, my husband! Tell me this is a joke! A cruel jest that has gone _too far_!"

Gareth stared at her, face impassive and not even remotely impressed.

One good yank was all it took to dislodge Madalena's feeble hold. She screeched when the guards dragged her to the execution block and forced her to kneel.

"Comfy?" the executioner intoned, dragging a pumice stone along the edge of his ax to sharpen it further.

"You're making a grave mistake!" Madalena cautioned in desperation, but was ignored.

Gareth stepped closer to her, standing in her line of sight. "Queen Madalena. For crimes against the royal family, betraying your people, ticking me off considerably and making a general mess of things, I sentence you to death."

"You can't!" Madalena protested. "Stop this at once, you cannot execute me! I'm the one who made you King!"

"You shouldn't have done that, then." Gareth replied with a smirk. " **I** 'm king now, and I can do whatever I want. Any actual last words or are you going to waste all of our times with your whining?"

"Galavant!" Madalena cried, trying one other option. "Please, do not let them do this! Beloved!"

Galavant swallowed thickly and squeezed Isabella's hand for strength. "Madalena." responded, voice calm and confident. "You were my true love, the light of my life and the joy of my heart. But you have turned out to be a nasty, spiteful and malicious tart. I'm sorry, but I think it's for the best. So..." He put his fingers in his ears and closed his eyes. "Lalalalalalalalalalala."

"Galavant, you half-witted son of a-"

"I take it that's all." Gareth cut her off, and waved at the executioner. "Get on with it."

"But she's all wiggly." The executioner protested apologetically. Indeed, Madalena was struggling against the guards holding her down, twisting and straining to get free.

Gareth rolled his eyes. "Position number five." He said to the guards, and they jumped to obey. Two stepped to Madalena's sides and grabbed her shoulders, pressing down to keep her still. A third, standing in front of her, grabbed her head and forced it down, careful to keep the neck steady. Madalena bellowed her rage into the execution block.

"Much obliged." The executioner nodded his thanks to the guards and swung the ax with precision that came from years of experience.

One good chop from the ax and that was it. Madalena's reign of terror was over.

"Yey." The gathered peasants and servants cheered halfheartedly, then they all returned to their daily tasks. There was still much work to be done before nightfall. They couldn't waste all day on the drama of royals.

Gareth didn't linger by Madalena's headless body. Or by her disembodied head. He stepped off the scaffolding and walked up to Richard and the rest.

"Let's go talk in the throne room. More privacy there." He said and walked off. Richard hurried after him, and the guards herded the rest of the group along as well.

Once the doors to the throne room swung shut, Richard bounded over to Gareth. "So... you've remained loyal to me?"

"Of course." Gareth nodded. "You've always been my first choice."

"That is so sweet of you, Gare." Richard grinned with joy. "Then that means you'll give me my throne back."

Gareth crossed his arms over his chest. "No." He denied firmly.

Richard did a double take. "I'm sorry? No?"

"No." It was repeated just as firmly, and Richard's good mood deflated.

"But whyyy?" He pouted, not caring at all that he was whining.

"Because you suck as a king." Gareth answered bluntly.

Richard blinked at him. "I do?"

Everyone in the room nodded in agreement.

Gareth sent them a withering glare before he answered Richard. "Yeah, you do." Richard opened his mouth to protest, but Gareth continued undeterred. "You're too much of a pushover. And you're too eager for everyone to be happy, even when you're being cruel. You're too soft, too childish. Each time you're betrayed, you find faults within yourself just to justify the betrayal. You're too gullible, too trusting, too innocent. That is a horrible combination for a king."

"Well..." Richard scratched at his bushy cheek. "You're not wrong, I suppose."

"Great, you agree. That is why I will stay on the throne as king." Gareth declared with steely authority. "I will rule over everything and everyone with an iron fist and fairness. I thought I could implement that petitions idea I had. To get further input from the subjects."

"What do you know about being a king?" Isabella demanded. She wanted to know the qualifications of the newest person to subjugate her family's rule.

Richard turned to her with a reassuring smile. "Oh, Gareth knows everything I know about kinging. He attended all my kingly classes with me." He turned back to Gareth. "I'm sure you'll make a fine king, Gare, you are very skilled. What about me, though?" He looked over his shoulder. "I guess I could stay with Galavant for a bit, until I find something."

Galavant blanched and took a startled step back.

Gareth snorted. "Of course not. I swore to faithfully protect you for the rest of my life, and I am going to keep my word. So you'll be staying with me."

Richard cocked his head to the side. "As an adviser?"

Gareth snorted. "You'd suck at that as well, you make horrible decisions."

"Name one bad decision I ma- right, Madalena." Richard chuckled to himself. "That one was a doozy of an oopsie."

Gareth didn't comment. His view on that blunder had been clear from the start.

"Then if not as an adviser, then as what?" Richard inquired, filled with curiosity rather than resentment at having the throne snatched from him again.

"As my Queen." Gareth stated, not an ounce of jest in his voice. He was serious.

"Your... your Queen?" Richard blinked in surprise, trying to process the idea. The rest the heroes had a similar reaction.

"Yeah." Gareth nodded decisively. "I figured that would be the best solution for all around." He started counting off on his fingers "Our marriage would strengthen my standing as King. It'll be easier for me to keep you close by. I would be able to veto any other stupid ideas you'll have. You can still advice me and offer your opinion on my rulings, but you'll be able to concentrate on those aspects of being royalty you actually enjoy."

"Like parties?" Richard grinned at the prospect of not having to deal with the boring stuff.

"And making people happy and content by playing the gracious host."

"Oh, I do like receiving guests." Richard brought his clasped hands to his chest in delight.

"Exactly. I'll deal with the gritty stuff, and you can have the pretty stuff." Gareth leaned forward and lowered his voice into an enticing murmur. "You can have as many belly flowers as you desire. You like those."

"Oh, I do, Gareth, I do." Richard nodded with eager fervor. "This all does sound lovely. There's nothing better than marrying your best friend, after all. We would share a room too, it would be just like when we were innocent lads having sleepovers each night."

Gareth rolled his eyes at the sappy memory.

Richard continued. "But is it even allowed? Marriage between two men, I mean. I'll be able to smooth over the nobility back at home, but what is the stance of the Church? I can't get around that, I'm horrible with the clergy."

"Not a problem. Bring in the priest!" Gareth commanded, and the side doors opened. The royal bishop walked in, head held high and hands only trembling a little bit.

"Your Eminence." Richard bowed his head in greeting. "Is what Gareth proposes, a marriage between him and myself, even allowed under the rules of the Church?"

The priest glanced at Gareth, who, for unknown reasons, chose that moment to start sharpening his sword.

"Perfectly allowed, your Highness." The priest stammered, nodding with frantic energy. "As the King commands, the Church will follow. All the way."

"Oh, excellent." Richard smiled brightly, his beard bushing up in happiness. "I guess I'll have to either gain or lose a lot of weight."

"Nah, you can stay as you are." Gareth muttered and put his sword back in his scabbard.

"Oh, Gareth." Richard practically wiggled a little. Then he turned serious. "What will we do about a royal heir? A King has to have an heir."

"We can adopt." Gareth responded in a calm voice.

"Who? Galavant?"

"Excuse me." Galavant leaned in, smiling awkwardly. "I couldn't help overhearing, cause you're both standing in the middle of the room and talking kinda loudly. No offense whatsoever or anything, but I'd rather not. Be the heir, I mean. Really not my style and castles give me a little bit of the creeps."

"Good, cause I wasn't even going to ask you." Gareth turned to Sid. "You will be the heir."

"Me?!" Sid squeaked, eyes wide.

"That's a marvelous idea!" Richard clapped his hands with a grin. "We could do with some diversity on the throne, we haven't had any color in ages. And those curls are just precious."

Sid put up his hands in protest. "Thank you, but I'm really not sure I'm the right man for the job."

Gareth stepped over to Sid and put a hand on his shoulder. "I've gotten to know you over the past few months. You're smart, you're brave, and you're handy in a tight spot. You've got a good heart on you, as well. You are my choice for Heir."

"Which I support." Richard added with a pleasant grin.

Sid looked from Gareth to Richard, then looked over his shoulder at Galavant and Isabella. Then he turned back and smiled helplessly. "Okay. Might be fun."

"Excellent!" Both Gareth and Richard said in unison, though at different volumes.

"Why don't you go have a chat with Galavant and the others, they've missed you." Richard told Sid and patted the top of his head. "Oh, and there's some new friends as well, so be polite."

"Right." Sid drew the word out, and glanced at the heroes. "I'll just... take them to the gardens."

"You do that." Gareth nodded at him, then turned to one of the guards. "Send for the royal scribe. Have him draw up adoption papers."

"And a marriage contract!" Richard added.

Gareth waved a dismissive hand. "Already have that, just need you to sign it. Then we get a priest to bless us and done."

"No ceremony?" Richard pouted again. He liked weddings.

"We'll hold the ceremony back home, not in Valencia." Gareth assured him. "No offense, but I don't fancy staying in this dump of a land much longer."

"Marvelous idea! We could order plated bread for the ceremony! The bakers here can't compare to those back home." Richard clapped his hands and bounced on his toes a little bit. Gareth snorted fondly at him.

"Our bakers are first class!" Isabella called with indignation, just before Galavant pulled her out of the throne room.

Gareth huffed and lead Richard over to the thrones with a hand on his back. "Lets sit as we wait for the scribe to finish. We'll sign both things when they're done." Gareth plopped down onto his throne. Richard followed suit, and sat down on the other one, albeit with more grace.

He curled his lips into a contemplative pout and wiggled around a bit. "You know, this throne is much more comfy than my previous one."

"I had extra padding put in."

"Thank you, then, Gareth. Very sweet of you."

Gareth made an agreeing grunt.

A moment passed in silence, then Richard leaned towards him. "You do know you will have to kiss me, during our wedding. And our wedding night. And later on, during the many years of our marriage."

"I know." Gareth replied.

"On the lips." Richard clarified, lowering his voice into a whisper.

"I know." Gareth repeated, more firmly.

"For realsies."

Gareth gave him a dark look.

Richard put up his hands. "I'm just saying. I know you're not the hugging sort."

Gareth shrugged. "I've kissed your ring many times. Won't be much different."

"My lips aren't much different from my ring?" Richard dropped his hands into his lap and gave Gareth a bemused look.

"Same mechanics, I'd gather. Lean in, pucker up, plant one and lean back."

Richard brows knitted together. "Well yes, when you put it like that. But still."

Gareth rolled his eyes. "I'll just pretend you've put your ring in your mouth again."

"That was one time." Richard pointed out indignantly.

"That one time was a period of four years." Gareth tone was dry as two week old bread.

Richard huffed. "Yes, yes, I was an anxious child, you know that calmed me."

"That was the only reason why I never fished it out by force in case you swallowed it." Gareth stated and patted Richard's hand.

"I never swallowed it." Richard mumbled.

"You did once."

"... yes, fine, I'll give you that." Richard leaned back and wiggled in his seat again. He smiled. "This is nice. Sitting here together, talking like equals. It's nice, isn't it?"

"Very much so." Gareth smiled back. He could pat himself on the back for this plan. He wouldn't though. Richard would get to that himself soon enough, Gareth was sure.

AN: There will be a second part as well, with the wedding and the wedding night. It's supposed to be a short chapter, but you never know. The last thing I wrote that was supposed to be short came out seven pages long.

I'll try to post the next part by the end of the week. Possibly.


	2. Steps Three, Four and Five

With the support of the Church, it was a simple thing to get the nobility to approve of their union. The fact that both kings had no qualms about executing whoever they wished also helped. But, hey, theirs was a progressive land. It wasn't the stone age after all, they all had to go with the times. Or be used as target practice for Gareth's soldiers.

The ceremony was absolutely darling. The Church was decorated in roses and chrysanthemums, for the simple reason both flowers mean 'love'. Galavant and Sid were the Best Men, and princess Isabella was the Ring Bearer. Richard wanted her to be the Flower Girl, but she's deathly allergic to pollen, so what could he do? Thus the honor of being the Flower Girl fell to the chef. He looked absolutely adorable with his little basket filled with petals and with the pink ribbons in his hair. In fact, everyone looked adorable and/or handsome, dressed up in their best clothing and accessories. Richard had even talked Gareth wearing white, just like Richard was wearing. Well, more like eggshell white, not white-white. Or perhaps cream white. You get the picture. They were matchy matchy and it was perfect.

After the wedding came the feast, specially prepared with all their favorites. There was fine wine, the presents were plentiful and mandatory. There was music and dancing and everybody having fun. Richard lost count of how much he'd danced. He even convinced Gareth to twirl on the dance floor with him a few times, just to make their wedding complete. It was a marvelous evening. It took place in Richard's caste in its new location. Everyone had come. Galavant and his compatriots were a given, of course, but there was also Madalena's head on a spike and the Isabella's incestous family. The surviving pirates had come as well, as did the guys from the Enchanted Forest, with their Evil Queen Boss Lady. Uncle Keith had brought his Destiny and Bear had brought his sister, Butch. Even that blasted unicorn had come and Richard was too elated at his nuptials to have the beast skewered for dinner. In fact, he was in such a good mood that he'd ordered a paddock to be built in a nearby meadow. It would be perfect for the contrary creature. Considering that Richard won't be a virgin by this time tomorrow, it wouldn't cling to him all the time. Hopefully.

Speaking of which. Weddings end. After after weddings came the nights. Wedding nights.

Richard rubbed his hands together, grinning eagerly. He could hardly wait. He was going to have a proper wedding night, with his best friend no less. For realsies this time.

*~*Later That Evening*~*

The doors to their shared chambers closed behind them with a small bang, and Richard plastered himself to his husband's front. His husband. He felt giddy just thinking it.

"Ah, Gareth." He rubbed his hands across Gareth's chest, tracing a finger across his golden embroidery. "It is our wedding night."

"Yeah, I know." Gareth tugged lightly on Richard's beard, tickling under his chin.

Richard squirmed with a giggle. That always tickled. Then he remembered that he was being serious, and he schooled his expression into what he hoped was a seductive expression. He cupped Gareth's face between his hands and gazed deeply into his eyes. "Tonight we join our bodies in the holiest of unions, allowed only between wed spouses."

"As in sex?" Gareth made a befuddled face and Richard rolled his eyes.

"Of course sex. I don't mean playing cards."

"You want to have sex with me on our wedding night?" Gareth chuckled slightly, though not mockingly. Not at all like Madelena. Which was very good, now that Richard thought about it. Gareth patted his shoulder and continued. "We won't be doing anything penetration-wise for at least a month or so. First we have to get you a wooden plug, stretch you out a bit."

"Stretch me out?" Richard squinted one eye. "Like in yoga?"

Gareth tapped his behind. "Stretch your hole out. I won't have you ripped and bleeding when I ram into you. Need to be ready on all fronts." He explained, tone matter of fact.

"Ah. That's considerate of you." Richard thought it over a bit. "Why can't I... you know... be the one to walk in em _your_ /em garden? So to speak."

Gareth snorted. "No offense, but I'm not letting a virgin anywhere near my hole." He shrugged. "After you've had some practice, sure, but not until then."

"So... no sex tonight." Richard tried not to sound as disappointed as he felt. And the stupid unicorn would probably be already waiting by his door in the morning, too.

"Sex is more than just penetration. We can do other things. We could kiss." Gareth pulled Richard close with a hand on his nape and pressed their lips tightly together. Trading kisses had become a daily routine for them as of late. Each day they found time to kiss; a gentle, loving kiss would be followed by a deep lip-lock of pure lust. Then back to sweet and gentle, and so it went everyday.

Richard insisted on the kisses, and Gareth liked it too much to protest.

And as he always did, Richard responded eagerly. He arched his back, pressing closer into the kiss and nipping at Gareth's lower lip like he liked. "I do like kisses." He purred. "Especially Gareth kisses."

"And there is other stuff." Gareth undid the lacing on Richard's pants and slid one hand into his underwear. He cupped Richard's crotch and gave it a firm squeeze.

Richard came like a school boy from his first wet dream.

Gareth pulled his hand out and stared, perplexed, at the wet spot against his palm. Richard slumped against him with a sated smile. "Oh, Gareth." He moaned. "That was wonderful."

"Bloody Hell, I barely touched you!" Gareth exclaimed.

"What do you mean?" Richard leaned back with a confused frown.

"I mean that we need to get you up to proper speed." Gareth stated, and Richard wasn't certain he understood what was meant.

"You mean?" He drew the last word out, fishing for the answer.

"Practice." Richard proclaimed seriously. Then he dove in for another deep kiss, because what the hell. Richard squeaked into his mouth and threw his arms around Gareth's shoulders. Yummy, more kisses. He could get used to this.

*~*A Week Later*~*

AN: The rest of this chapter will not be posted here. For the simple reason that it contains smut. Unless I'm mistaken, fanfiction net frowns on that.

You can find the complete chapter on my Ao3 profile. Just google my name, it should pop right up.


	3. Epilogue

**Epilogue** :

It started with an urgent crow from Richard. Galavant read through the short message and wasted no time. He saddled his horse, armed himself with his hero sword and raced to meet Richard where the message specified. It took him about three hours of galloping his horse (he had to change animals twice because let's face it, the speed was inhumane) to get there.

Richard was standing in the middle of an open field, so he wasn't difficult to spot.

"Richard!" Galavant called, waving his hand to get his attention. He brought his horse to a holt and jumped off. "What is the danger? Is your kingdom being attacked? Is there a violent revolt? Is it a dragon?"

Richard waved a dismissive hand. "No, of course not, Galavant. Don't be silly. How are you?"

Galavant narrowed his eyes. "You sent me a message to come quick because there is a grave emergency of utmost importance." He murmured in a grave, I-won't-take-any-nonsense tone. "Did you lie just to get me to come here?"

Richard smiled at him, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. "I assure there, my emergency is quite grave."

Galavant looked around the empty field pointedly. "What is it?"

"I missed you." Richard said, tone earnest and heartfelt.

There could only be one response to that. "Wut."

"I missed you." Richard repeated as if it was obvious. "I missed all of my old quest buddies. So I invited the whole gang! You're just the first one to arrive."

Galavant rubbed a hand down his face. "And did you send them the same massage?"

"Of course."

"You realise they'll come armed to the teeth."

Richard nodded. "I do. Swordy wants to see his friends too. Don't you, Swordy?" He cooed down at the magical sword strapped to his hip. "You miss Battle Ax and Grappling Hook, don't you?"

The damn thing glowed and Galavant rolled his eyes. Those two were a match made in Hell. He looked around them, and his brows knitted together. This land looked familiar. "Is it me or is this near where your old castle used to be?"

"Quite astute of you, Galavant. It's the same land."

"Are you going to build another castle here?" He could see workers in the distance and large carts filled with building rocks.

"Not for me." Richard shook his head. "I've made Roberta a duchess and gifted this land to her. She can rule it as she pleases."

"What about those democratic peasants? I'd imagine they aren't that accepting of a new sovereignty system." Galavant mused.

"Oh, don't worry about them." Richard shrugged. "They're not around any more."

"Richard. Did you chase those peasants from their homes out of vidictive spite?" Galavant asked in a stern voice.

"Me? No, no, no, no. I didn't do anything to them. If they want to decide by majority vote instead of being ruled by a single person appointed by right of birth and godlike status, let them. The bunch of lunatics. No skin off my nose if those smelly ingrates don't want to worship me as their rightful king. We got a much better kingdom from Gareth, didn't we, Swordy?" He cooed at the sword again.

Galavant grimaced. He still couldn't quite believe that _Richard_ of all people was the one found worthy of the stupid thing.

"Then why did they leave?" He asked, scratching the back of his neck. "I thought they were happy here."

"Oh, Gareth found out they'd melted down his collection of antique and modern weapons to make pots and pans. So he had the whole village razed to the ground." Richard clicked his tongue and gestured towards where the workers were. "We're reusing the parts of my old castle they had reused to build themselves houses and shops to build a new castle for Roberta." Galavant's eyes crossed as he tried to wrap his head aorund that sentence. It was a doozy. Richard continued undeterred. "A small one, mind you. She thinks big castles are drafty."

"Right, because that makes sense." Galavant sighed with a roll of his eyes. "Speaking of Roberta, is she here?"

"Of course, she's the duchess of these lands. She has to make sure no nasty peasants will try to steal her castle from under her nose."

"You're not gonna let that go, are you?"

"How can I let it go, Galavant? Such a breech of trust leaves mental scars. I'll probably have trust issues till the end of my days." Richard pouted, and Galavant patted his back in consolation.

"Okay, okay. They hurt your feelings, we get it."

"So glad you understand my angst, Galavant." Richard grasped his shoulder and gazed ernestly into his eyes. "An understanding support system is crucial in times of need."

"Yeah, yeah." Galavant was feelingly mighty uncomfortable, so he decided to change the topic. "So where _is_ Roberta?"

"She's over the hill, where the village used to be." Richard pointed. He even waved, as if Roberta could see him. "She's supervising the transport of the castle parts. The construction is starting today, we've finally got all the permits in order."

Galavant nodded, and chewed on his lower lip. "Is she.. you know."

"Is she what?"

"Still cross that I tried to make her into an unnecessary romantic subplot?"

"I'm hoping the castle will take the sting out of it. But yeah, she's still miffed about that whole unrequited love you manipulated her into." Richard nodded, puffing out his cheeks in sympathy.

"I know, my bad." Galavant huffed and crossed his arms with a pout. "Isabella talked my ear off about that when she found out. Apparently, trying to use women and romanse as filler material is crass and a cheap trick."

"I thought it was sweet, if a bit misguided and gross." Richard patted his shoulder in consolation. "How are you and Isabella, BTW? Have you achieved your happily ever after yet?"

"Not yet." Galavant shook his head with a sigh. "We've hit a couple snags here and there with the legalities, but we're sorting it all out. A month or so more, and she'll be officially divorced. Who knew there would be so much paperwork?"

"I feel yah, bro." Richard tapped his chest twice with a fist.

"But as soon as she's free from that spoiled pipsqueak, we shall wed." Galavant gestured grandly with one hand. "We shall have our Happily Ever After, and live in Peace and Prosperity as Husband and Wife." He pronounced each capital letter with gusto.

"Marvelous." Richard clapped cheerily. "You will invite us to the wedding, of course."

Galavant froze, startled by the crashing return to reality. "... sure, yeah, invite you. If I didn't, you'd be sad and Gareth would skin me alive."

"I'm sure he'd knock you out first." Richard assured him. "But you don't have to worry. Like you wouldn't invite us, I'm your best friend!"

"... Right, sure." Galavant gulped and looked to the side. Change of topic, change of topic. "So. How are you and Gareth? Enjoying married life?"

"Uh huh. Very much so." Richard nodded vigorously. "Gareth took care of my virginity, front and back both. Plus my mouth, I've gained excellent skills."

"... great..." Galavant swallowed thickly, then forced on a smile that didn't show how awkward this conversation was making him. He was sorry he asked already. "Congrats, and all that."

"Thank you, thank you. It's actually our one month aniversary of when we first bonked genitals." Richard explained with a happy grin. "There will be a party, right over there." He pointed to the side, where a gaggle of people were working. "It's another reason why I invited you all."

"A party to celebrate the loss of your virginity?" Now that Galavant was looking over there, he could see the people were working to set up catering tents.

"It'll be so much fun! Uncle Keith and Destiny organized it for us. There'll be balloons and cake and a clown. And rides on the unicorn, but that's only for the kiddies. Unless someone is a virgin." Richard's frowned, and turned to Galavant with an affronted tone of voice. "Do you know that blasted unicorn still follows me around? It's like the loss of virginity didn't take, even when Gareth and I do the hanky panky several times a day. On all three ends."

Galavant facepalmed with both hands.

END

AN: There, finished. Thank you all for reading. ^_^

This chap contains some of my predictions for the future and my views on current events. I fully believe that Galavant will end up being late and won't stop Isabella from marrying her lil' cuz in time. Let's face it, with this show it's entirely plausible. ^_^

Also, because Gareth and Richard will not stop being adorable on the show, there will be more fic. So far the bunnies are domestic, but that might change within the next episodes. ^_^


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